Things heard at work today:

• The phrase "stakeholder buy-in"


• Comments about food poisoning.


• The ***hole who blows his nose every ****ing day, multiple times throughout the day, as loudly as possible, seemingly for as long as possible - twice in a row. Picture either: two full, consecutive breaths blowing unmercifully, forcefully, into a trumpet with no intention of making anything remotely musical, or two full breaths expended solely trying to make a farting sound (mouth to palm) as loudly as possible. Irritating doesn't begin to describe it. Does Tonya Harding still live in the area?


• An offer to extend my contract when I thought they were actually about to kick my lazy *** out of here before the end of my contract.